Sailing to Alluvium by John Pritchard

Author:John Pritchard [Pritchard, John]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Sailing to Alluvium, John Pritchard, NewSouth Books, Junior Ray, Yazoo Blues, fiction, mystery, Mississippi Delta, class conflict, burlesque, Deep South, detectives
ISBN: 9781603061247
Publisher: NewSouth Inc.
Published: 2013-10-15T00:00:00+00:00

Junior Ray’s Apres-Hunt Dove Lovey-Dovey[75]

Section One: Dealin with the doves.

You can’t use nothin but dove bosoms. To get those, you have to know how to flipm outa the bird. And this is how you do it:

A. Grab one of the doves you or somebody else has shot.

B. Cut off the wings with a sharp-ass knife, or just ripm off—but, whichever, be sure you remove’m from right at where they’re attached to the body of the dove.

C. Hold the bird face-up with one hand, and ram the fingers of your other hand up inside the body cavity just below the pointed bottom of his—or her—breastbone. It’s easy to do, like skinnin a rabbit, and . . .

D. Get hold of that breastbone; use some muscle and pull it upwards quick and back over the dove’s head, like you was tryin to take off a bird T-shirt. Separate what you’re grippin from the rest of the bird. Your dove bosom will then be “flipped” out. There won’t be no feathers nor no skin, and normally you don’t have to do nothin more to it but chunk it in a large bowl which you will have on the table beside you—but if there does happen to be a smidgen of skin attached to the dove breast, it’s not hard to get rid of. Plus, th’ow all the rest of them dove carcasses out the back door so the coyotes and the coons and the possums and the bobcats and the foxes can get to the innuds and everything durin the night.

E. Be prepared to “flip” for quite a while because you are goin to need a lot of dove breasts to fill up . . . your bowl.

F. Dump in a whole lot of garlic powder on top of em and mix it all around with your hand. Then wash you fukkin hand.

Section Two: The actual cookin part

1. Get out your iron skillet. Put it on the stove.

2. Coat the bottom of the muthafukka with pecan oil. Plus, set out your salt and cayenne so you’ll know where it is when you need it. And you will need it.

3. Be heatn up two cans of condensed golden mushroom soup in a big-ass saucepan—DON’T ADD NO WATER . . . but do th’ow in a fully-loaded cup of Mad Dog 20-20, or just a cream sherry, not none of that dry or medium kind.

4. You’re gon need a “bed” for your dove bosoms to rest on, so plan on havin a huge amount of Miss’ssippi brown rice already cooked. Don’t fuk with none of that Arkansas crap. Or—and this is always a winner—do the same with a potful of the littlest new potatoes you can find at the gotdam grocery store . . . cause I know you aint gon grow your own. Me, personally, I suggest you boil em. Some individuals will use toast as their “bed,” but I do not recommend that. As far as I’m concerned, toast, no matter what type it ever was, never had much to say for itsef.

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